Deposit Our Happiness into a Blank Account of Memories

This week is really a relaxing week for me for these 2 harsh months. Due to the school speech day, I got a 2 half-day off, plus a whole-day off- Hurray! What delights me is there would be no teaching these few days... no need to "fight", "argue" and "run after" them for homework, punishment and all types of work... I can be free from all these tidious work~ Don't you think that's good?

Internet is really amazing. It links people up in a voiceless and intensive way... you cannot imagine you can be updated with the recent news of your friends, classmates and colleagues every minute. You can even see their face on the photos. One of my classmates gave birth to a baby girl already ~ congratulations!! She has just got married a year ago and a blessing comes to their family~ such a happy scene! My F.1 classmate also got married as seen in his photo album. I haven't got his news after Form 5 ... then we got to add each other again in Facebook for several months. Suddenly, I got to see his photos with his wife.. wow~ and knew that he has been a policeman ~~ look smart! I cannot imagine we are living in the same world and everything keeps changing so dramatically except me... My primary school classmate has been a doctor and has a meaningful time helping others every day. Sometimes I really envy people having such a colourful life while I am leading the pre-set plain and simple life ~~~ Should I go for more?

After sharing with the tips of getting attention from the class with George, I really tried it out. I neglected all the possibilities of getting the classes into a mess and got them come out for spelling the words and got the Mercy chocolate. They really love the chocolate as most of them did not have much extra-money to spend on the high-quality chocolate~ good ideas! George always get creative and interesting ideas! That is why I admire him so much in this way. I still have several ways from him awaiting for trial. One more from Jo about making the Engish Chessboard... One of the boys really started his work in order to get a chance of playing the chess in class... hahaha...

Halloween was interesting.. I went to one of the volunteers' house for the party. He is really wealthy with the villa with several entrances... We only played at one of the corners of his house. Participants put on the made up and dressed in scary costumes.. Luckily, I also got a pumpkin hat from the school.. hahaha... we walked out of the villa and scared people in Kowloon Tong... It was so tiring and I almost lost my way back home .. just took 2 buses for the 15-minute journey...

In the past two months, my health is getting worse. The no. of visiting doctor has been over that of my previous 2 years... I could not imagine... My coughing is still non-stop. What should I do? Yankee and Carrie left already, leaving me there.. Teresa is going for a post at EDB soon... She has given me lots of tips as she got plenty working experience in various setting. She advised me to put down the "insistence" and try to adjust myself more to another setting.. or even lower my expectation to free myself further. She encourages me much ... but still I am puzzled atthe corssroads.. or I rarely face these before.. I do not feel good when I did something just to get the things done or please others.. sometimes I rather anger someone to get the things done in a proper way. Many conflicts ... and I try to avoid her recently.. in order not to confuse myself too much. The world can be so complicated or I am still too simple living in this complex world... That breathless feeling is killing me ... Or I really have to change myself further to fit myself better in the workplace.

The psycholgical battles have been shaping me into a loveless person.. I begin to feel that I lose the ability to love others... I always demand this and that.. and challenge this and that.. Perhaps, I am also the one to be hated. While having the battles, there are really more possibilities coming closer. I realize that he knows quite much about me... I know that he is also willing to develop more if I can be more pro-active and I am also having more chatting with him once I am online. Yet, I am not very invovled... I have been longing it for several years but when it nearly comes, I do not feel as excited and welcomed as I expect myself to be. Although there are really nothing with the three of them at the moment or even if I intend to do more, there will be nothing also... I know that if I keep myself like this, I may regret or I would isolate myself from the human world at last... What do I really want? In fact, it is not any imperfect of anybody. It is only me who enlarge the shortcomings of others and give excuses to distance myself... or I am so scared of being rejected again. Sometimes I feel tired because tireness can be a reason of not going out, going online and doing anything... I am really silly...

The cell group continues.. and thanks Helena for her great sensitivity of my needs all the time. That's so sweet. For D, I still cannot give neutral answers since most of the time I found boys choosing between partners are the worst.. so sorry for not able to supply any more support in this aspect. Maybe God will give answers to the most needy. Keep praying~

The unhappy news of Michelle's dad has upset me for a few days... I reflect the fragility of life... I have met their family since Year 1 ... when Michelle was P2.. now she is S.1... I really could not accept the news as the death has been so close ... I hope that their family can go through it with God's grace. I shall go for the ceremony after 2 weeks on Friday.

Happy that I got A- for my mid-term... That's sth I have not seen for a long time... Try my best~~ Just go for the Final and hope to obtain good grade though it is not my very first priority ~~~~

I look forward to my Christmas holiday and hope that I can be more involved in my work and relationship.

God bless~~~